Cornish Riviera Guides
by Mary Christmas
Just remember, old folk are worth a fortune - with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and gas in their stomachs.
I've become a little older since I saw you last. Changes have come into my life - I'm quite a frivolous old girl, I'm seeing FIVE gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me out of bed.
Then I go and visit Lou.
Then it's time for Mr Quaker who gives me my oats.
After that Arthur Ritis shows up and stays with me for the rest of the day. He doesn't stay in one place for very long, and takes me from joint to joint.
After such a busy day I'm ready for bed with Johnny Walker - what a life.
Oh yes and I'm flirting with Al Zymer.
The vicar came the other day and said, "At your age, you should be thinking about the 'Hereafter'".
I told him, "Oh but I do. No matter where I am, in the kitchen, in the lounge, upstairs or even when I go to the shop, I ask myself "now what am I here after?"
NOW I KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME !
I thought I'd let my doctor check me
'Cause I didn't feel quite right.
All those aches and pains annoyed me
And I couldn't sleep at night.He could find no real disorder
but he wouldn't let it rest.
What with National Health & BUPA
He said we ought to do some tests.So to this big hospital he sent me
Though I didn't feel that bad.
He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped
My ageing frame displayed.
Stripped upon an ice cold table
While my gizzards were x-rayed.I was checked for worms and parasites
For fungus and for crud.
They pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.Doctors came to check me over
Probed and pushed and poked around.
And to make sure that I was still living
They wired me up for sound.Now they have finally concluded
(Their results filled many a page).
What I have will someday kill me
My problem is OLD AGE!!!
there's no substitute for local knowledge !
Letter
& Poem - Many thanks for both to Allen Gray:
copyright unknown but will be gladly acknowledged if
claimed
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Last updated 24/09/2008